There is nothing more precious and sweet than a new baby (or two, or three)! Until you become a parent, you cannot fathom what it is like. Entering the Mommy Scene can be an absolutely joyous and equally terrifying experience. We wanted to compile a "what no one told us", advice, and personal experience with becoming a mom to extend to all of the newbies out there. (Note: You can also read this if you are a seasoned pro & give us some of your advice)
With Love From Coley <3
Welcome to the Mommy Scene, an elite group of extraordinary women with super human powers. The minute the child expels from your uterus whether it is c-section or vaginal you become a new person and take on a new title. It is almost like being welcomed into a secret society (Your little ones even haze you with vomit, poop, and pee). All kidding aside, your world transforms from this quiet, self centered universe to a nonstop busyness that only subsides with sleep. Being a mom is the toughest job I have ever encountered. It is a selfless job. What do I wish I would've known? That it is okay to say you are exhausted. It is okay to acknowledge that you are having a tough time or feel in over your head. It's okay to miss the old you and the body that was yours before having a child. That nursing is hard work and it can take 3-4 weeks to get a good latch, but is so worth it if you stick with it. That having a newborn can be a very isolating feeling. Most importantly that I wasn't alone in feeling any of these things. As women we create this image of what being a mom looks like. This 1950's picture of the housewife who always has her hair done, dinner made, the house clean, and greeting her husband at the door with a pie etc. The reality is, a happy home is a messy home.
The reality is that having a baby puts stress on your relationship. Yes, you created this beautiful human but lack of time together, sex, and adventure can create feelings of disconnectedness. Schedule regular date nights (and leave your feelings of guilt at home, your baby will indeed survive). Communicating about needing help is important too. When one person feels as if they are taking on the majority of the responsibility combined with sleep deprivation it can create resentment and tension between you and your partner. Men cannot read minds, I'm sure this is research proven somewhere. So let him know if you need his help instead of getting mad and 'grabbing the damn diaper bag yourself.'
*If you are still reading and I haven't created any permanent scars I want to also look at the flip side. You are now on board to experience the most intense love you will ever experience. Nothing is more amazing than the pride of a mommy, watching your baby smile for the first time, roll over, eat new foods, take her first steps. Nothing is as amazing as when your child can carry on a conversation with you and hug you back. Never let the stress of the day take away your appreciation and gratitude for the beauty and health of your child.
My best advice: Be Honest with yourself and with others. If you are having a tough time, let others know and I guarantee you will see that they are in the same shoes. Find a group of support, preferably in other mommy friends. I joined the WTE April 08 Momma's community while pregnant with Cammy and nearly 4 years later I keep in touch with 85 of these "imaginary" women. They have been there since day one and having children all the same age has been an amazing source of support and a wealth of knowledge. Although I've never met these women they hold a very dear spot in my heart and I consider them some of my closest friends. I also have "real" friends who I try my hardest to get together with once a month at the least to have a drink and talk about our stress and connect as mommies. This is a savior for me (plus every mom needs a glass of wine every now and then). Take time for yourself and don't lose sight of who you are. Do what you need to do (within reason) to allow yourself some individual time, whether it is to work out, connect with friends, or even just shower in silence
^As you can see... she is awesome mommy support and an even better friend. She just gets it! Especially with the take time to yourself. I often, just like many of you, forget I exist throughout the chaos of the week between taking care of my now two kids and hubby. However, we can't stress it enough, MAKE time for you. Because lets be honest, if mommy's not put together everything & everyone else falls apart! Part of taking care of everyone, which is a mommy's job, includes taking care of you! Love Love Love: Crystina <3
P.S. Isn't her lil lady the CUTEST!
What do you wish you had been told previous to the mommy scene?!
